Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Big John doesn't pay!

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, " Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, " Big John doesn't pay!" The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, " And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, " Big John has a bus pass."

Friday, October 13, 2006

Height of Orkutism

Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each other.

Two persons fighting through scraps.

Receiving no scaps for a week.

The scrap server being down.

Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.

A person sending scaps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting
a reply.

A person sending scap to himself.

Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match.

Forwarding a scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded back to you by some one in the receiving chain.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Lesson for Men - Women gotta love this one

Lesson for Men - Women gotta love this one

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it

These are bunch of things which I learnt from my experience... :D

  • Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
  • To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
  • The road to success........ is always under construction.
  • Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
  • In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
  • All the desirable things in life are illegal, expensive or fattening.
  • Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
  • Everyone has a scheme of getting rich..... which never works.
  • If at first you don't succeed.... Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
  • You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
  • Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
  • ***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
  • As soon as you mention something...... if it is good, it is taken.... If it is bad, it happens.
  • He who has the gold, makes the rules Murphy's golden rule.
  • If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late...... the bus is still late.
  • Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
  • When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
  • If you have paper, you don't have a pen....... If you have a pen, you don't have paper...... if you have both, no one calls.
  • Especially for engg. Students: If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
  • You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
  • The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
  • If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
  • The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.
  • Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker ...............

Gather All resources before working on any project

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"there's no electricity in the house..."

MORAL: Gather All resources before working on any project..

Monday, October 09, 2006

Newtons Laws Redefined - When Newton was in Romantic Mood

Universal law:

"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money ".

First law:

"a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girlin love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unlessany external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play andbreak the legs of the boy."

Second law:

"the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy isdirectly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy andthe direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of thebank balance."

Third law:

"the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals."