Funny Forwards Mails

World's Best Tattoo

2006-11-09T04:05:00.000-08:00

Gayicha Nibandh (Essay on Cow)

2006-11-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

The most hilarious essay I have read on Cow. This is in Marathi language (Regional language spoken in Maharashtra state in India)

Parked for tooooooooo Long! - Since 1985...

2006-11-02T02:53:00.000-08:00

The Husband Store!

2006-11-02T02:11:00.000-08:00

The Husband Store!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store
ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 -
These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 -
These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 -
These men have jobs, love the Lord, love k! ids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes
to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 -
You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

RAM's letter to SITA (Punjabi Style)

2006-11-02T01:10:00.000-08:00

Dear SITA

Main itthe raji khushi han and hope ke tu v theek thaak hovengi, Laxman tannu bahut yaad karda hai.
Main is Hanuman de hath tannu chitthi bhej reha haan, tu tension na layi main bahut jaldi tenu Ravan kolo chura lavanga.

Main AIRTEL da prepaid le leya hai, RAVAN nu main mobile te bhot GAALIYAAN kadiya te SAALE ne katt ditta,
Chal koi ni main aana te hai. Taan KUTUNGA saale KANJAR nu.
Main tere kol vi ek AIRTEL da prepaid bhej reya haan jis vich 1500 SMS free wali scheme hai , Tu roz mainu SMS karin .

Accha OK

See Uuuu.

With Luv

Dashrath da Vadda Puttar "RAM"

Big John doesn't pay!

2006-10-25T22:45:00.000-07:00

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, " Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, " Big John doesn't pay!" The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, " And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, " Big John has a bus pass."

Height of Orkutism

2006-10-13T03:01:00.000-07:00

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through scraps.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no scaps for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The scrap server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending scaps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting
a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending scap to himself.

HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match.

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding a scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded back to you by some one in the receiving chain.

Lesson for Men - Women gotta love this one

2006-10-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

Lesson for Men - Women gotta love this one

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it

2006-10-11T07:05:00.000-07:00

These are bunch of things which I learnt from my experience... :D

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success........ is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are illegal, expensive or fattening.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich..... which never works.
If at first you don't succeed.... Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
As soon as you mention something...... if it is good, it is taken.... If it is bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late...... the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen....... If you have a pen, you don't have paper...... if you have both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students: If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker ...............

Gather All resources before working on any project

2006-10-11T02:43:00.000-07:00

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"there's no electricity in the house..."

MORAL: Gather All resources before working on any project..

Newtons Laws Redefined - When Newton was in Romantic Mood

2006-10-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

Universal law:

"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money ".

First law:

"a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girlin love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unlessany external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play andbreak the legs of the boy."

Second law:

"the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy isdirectly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy andthe direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of thebank balance."

Third law:

"the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals."

Engineering Vs Management

2006-09-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit moreand shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."You must be an engineer," said the balloonist."I am", replied the man. "How did you know?""Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more."The man below responded, "You must be in management.""I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?""Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems."

Business is Business

2006-09-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied,"Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"

Stupid of The Day

2006-09-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

Funny Poem on Resignation

2006-09-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

R E S I G N A T I O N

The name is good, the brand is big

But the work I do is that of a pig

The work or the brand; what is my way?

I don't know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way

Nobody will care to hear what I say

My will be NULL, they wont change their way

I don't know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage

But to do good work, this is the age

This dilemma is killing me day by day

I don't know if I should stay.

The money is not good, the place is great

But the development is at a very small rate

Should I go for the work, or wait for pay

I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk

The team doesn't know where they walk

That's a bad situation, what say?

I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place

But what if I get the same disgrace

I can't keep switching day by day

I don't know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less

Then why have this unnecessary mess

No more will I walk their way,

It's all done, I won't stay.

Thanks & Regards

Employee

Shuddha Hindi meanings of some words

2006-08-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

Shuddha Hindi meanings of some words

Brilliant Ways Girls Turn Guys Down!!

2006-08-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!!

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down ..

My New Cell Phone with Camera

2006-08-27T06:30:00.000-07:00

How is my Latest Cell Phone with Camera... Not costly and reliable!

KANK (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna) Review: IT Style

2006-08-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Review of Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (KANK) :

1. The program *KANK* has not been built as per the Functionality Design Specifications (script).
2. The director should have first created a proper Design Document (screenplay) and then begun the actual coding.
3. *AmitabhBachchan* is a powerful class with a number of methods and functions but it has not been effectively used.
4. *AbhishekBachchan,* a derived class of *AmitabhBachchan*, inherits all the attributes and properties of its parent class.
5. *ShahRukhKhan* and *RaniMukherjee* are emotionally overloaded and go into an infinite weeping loop every 60 milliseconds.
6. The methods such as *Songs()* and *Cinematography()* have been properly executed and produce fantastic results.
7. *PreityZinta* is an abstract class, which looks pretty but actually does nothing.
8. Functions like *ArjunRampal, JA, and KD* pass NULL values and are redundant.
9. The program takes an unbearably long time to terminate? about 3 hours and 20 minutes.

10. In User Acceptance Testing, too many defects were found.

Overall, the package is not worth purchasing. You may opt for pirated copies if u like uncultured boring dragging drama, though.

It's Rakhi Day - Guys Take Leave and Sit at Home

2006-08-08T05:01:00.000-07:00

Some Ironies of Life

2006-08-02T03:48:00.000-07:00

Let me share some ironies of life

Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something
to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Who Wants To Share My Corn Flakes?

2006-08-01T02:53:00.000-07:00

Rabri Devi, Laloo Yadav and Lie Clocks

2006-07-27T23:38:00.000-07:00

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.""Oh,” said Rabri "Who's clock is that?"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie."And whose clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan".

New Generation Office

2006-07-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

Sooooooo Innocent!

2006-07-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his Mother in the doctor's office.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked,"Then why did you eat him?"

Kahani Me Twist - Letter from Software Engineer to his Boss

2006-07-19T23:17:00.000-07:00

A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client sideon a critical project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye".

With the worst premonition he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down.

I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you.

I am sorry but I had no choice.

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no
need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon,have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace
me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".

I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City.

Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me.
Last but not the least. I also have the 7000 Rs entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.

I thank you for that in advance, and assure you that I will surely invest them wisely (but not in your company's stocks of course).

Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company.

Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.

Your faithful employee,

S. W. Engineer

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read:

PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this.

My respect and Best Regards to you!

Very Innovative

2006-04-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

Check this advertisement for Rexona Deos

2006-04-04T03:32:00.000-07:00

Keep off..... That's not for you

2006-04-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

A Wish for All of the Difficult People in Your Life

2006-03-13T02:00:00.000-08:00

Funny Answering Machines

2006-03-12T03:34:00.000-08:00

Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call even sooner!
Hi! This is Jim. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
My lover and I can't come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
Hello! You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need a magazine subscription, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are already clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still listening, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
Hi! I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hello! You've reached Jim and Cathy. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Cathy likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you."
Surprisingly, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.

What would your answering machine be like???

Americans! Americans!!

2006-03-12T02:39:00.000-08:00